I just had a little read of Sinek’s book and I thought I’d record some of the snippets that resonated with me, my experiences and who I want to (or not) be as a leader. TL:DR Go buy it!
The Force
Part 1: Our Need to Feel Safe
Safety comes from trust. Leaders are responsible for the well-being of their staff, taking care of them should lead to a thriving environment. An environment which is supportive and well-managed is good for the health of all of us and that of the school.
Internal politics causes problems. When staff feel as though others (and it happens more often than we’d like to admit) are trying to undermine them to advance their own careers, that fear creates a toxic environment. It’s the role of leadership to model and embed a culture whereby a “Circle of Safety” is both present and promoted.
There should be a strong culture which has been set based on clear values and beliefs in order to ensure that staff feel as though they belong.
Ensure that staff are recognized and celebrated for their successes and progress; when people put in the effort required for that and it isn’t recognized or rewarded then it results in increased stress levels. Most of the stress and anxiety within the workplace are not a result of the workload or responsibility, but rather it is linked to the degree of control that the staff feel and the weakness of the leadership team. If staff feel like they have no other option to improve their working lives than to quit their current job, it’s usually because they do not trust that leadership will be receptive and conditions will not change.
This is not all on the leadership team within a school. Leaders have to be able to trust that middle leaders will also look out for the best interest of those in their charge. Work accounts for a large portion of our day, by hiring someone you are taking on a responsibility, one which involves caring for their livelihood.
When faced with working under leadership which is not strong, we must have the courage to take care of each other, strength will come from the willingness to provide others with protection. This is especially important when we have loved ones to return home to; a child is less affected by the hours their parents work and more by the mood that they come home in.
Don’t fall foul of this in schools:
This is not idealism. Schools exist where staff feel safe.
Part 2: Powerful Forces
The way that human bodies are designed is such that we are programmed to survive tough times, when we have a sense of belonging and we are able to place trust in the people we work with, we will naturally cooperate. Trusting those around us is key for our survival; it’s on this premise that treason had the same penalty as murder.
“Trust is the biological reaction to the belief that someone has our well-being at heart”
Simon Sinek
Much of how we respond and feel is based on hormones. These are released as a response to our working environment and interactions. Sinek separates these into the ‘Selfish Chemicals’, which are the endorphins and dopamine responsible for short-term reward. And the ‘Selfless Chemicals’, which are serotonin and oxytocin, which he points out take a longer time to build up in our systems before we begin benefitting from their impact and reward.
Dopamine: When we feel good after making progress on something or accomplishing a task, that is mostly due to dopamine. Biologically there is no incentive to do nothing at work (yet I’m sure I’ve met people who find joy in this). The chemical rush of dopamine makes us want to do things over and over again.
Serotonin: When leaders and work colleagues provide us with support and protection, or commit time to help us we feel a sense of accountability to them, we don’t want to let them down. Those working to see you succeed are seen as leaders; the giving of time and energy is a prerequisite for leadership and improves the value and respect given, which will in turn provide us with more incentive to continue giving.
Oxytocin: Without oxytocin you’d lack empathy and wouldn’t want to perform acts of generosity. The more time you spend with people the more that you’ll trust them and make yourself vulnerable with them. It’s through the release of oxytocin when we are around these people that we can let down our guard and not have to maintain a constant state of vigilance. This allows us to feel like we belong (human beings crave belonging) within a “Circle of Safety”.
Physical contact demonstrates our willingness to trust, this is why the handshake is more than a physical act.
Cortisol: Cortisol is released to protect us when we feel like something might be wrong or there is a threat of some kind. The stress staff feel will continue to affect and distract them from their primary role until safety is provided. When the environment is such that people do not care about each other, when the bonds of trust are weak/non-existent, the effects of this take their toll and the cortisol released inhibits oxytocin so that people become even less concerned about each other. This is a spiral we want to avoid.
“Seeing or hearing of acts of human generosity inspires us to want to do the same”.
Simon Sinek
If the trust is low and relationships amongst staff are weak or transactional then stress and anxiety become the norm within the school and staff vulnerability to illness increases. For trust to be present in a school we need a leadership team that values honesty and tells the truth, and a workplace where we are not competing against each other. With the presence of trust and a “Circle of Safety” we feel secure and become willing to do things and make sacrifices for each other.
We’re able to get more work done when we work with people that we trust compared to the work we can get done alone. Working with others to accomplish something is also helpful in developing the feeling of fulfillment, happiness and loyalty. When we have something to accomplish we are more likely to achieve it if we can see or clearly imagine what the end goal looks like – this is another reason why task clarity from leadership is important.
People would rather work in a school where they’re safe and have the opportunity to grow than a place where the salary is higher (golden handcuffs won’t retain the best staff).
Leadership should be a choice to serve others, leaders aren’t the ‘alpha’ that they’d like to be if they aren’t willing to make personal sacrifices for the good of others. The leaders that offend us most are those that take the perks of their role and shoulder none of the responsibilities. Leaders who are all about the spotlight and raising their own status without taking on the responsibility to protect us are weak leaders.
We cannot truly motivate others; motivation comes from our own desire to repeat the behaviors that make us feel good. Our job as leaders is to create the environments and conditions which allow the right balance of feel good chemicals to be released. Ensuring that we are authentic, trustworthy and acting with integrity goes a long way towards that.
We all have a responsibility to uphold the cultures and values of a school where there is a strong Circle of Safety.
I find that there are interesting links to the kind of “love ethic” that bell hooks discusses in all about love, the dimensions of which she suggests are “care, commitment, trust, responsibility, respect and knowledge”.
Part 3 to 5: Reality, How We Got Here, and Abstraction Kills
We achieve far more when others want to help us. Nothing of real value on Earth was created by one person without the help or support of others. This requires trust, if we have trust then conditions are created which are more conducive to positive performance. If we feel trusted by our leaders, if leaders give us something noble to be part of or a compelling purpose, it gives us the power and the confidence to do the right thing when required.
We have a natural inclination to trust and cooperate; however too many workplaces provide an environment where that doesn’t feel safe. The theory of how a business/workplace can thrive has become more central than protecting people. People become a metric to be managed within this system and a lack of empathy and humanity is allowed to prevail.
The more abstract people become, the more capable we are of doing them harm. The Milgram experiment showed that when we cannot see the impact of our decision, when we (people/lives) are an abstract entity, 65% of us have the capacity to kill someone. The ability to maintain people as distant, anonymous or abstract has made it easier to act without humanity. This also occurs when a workplace becomes too large, the informality of knowing people is replaced with formality, leadership becomes less effective and the culture suffers; this is why it’s important that middle leaders are effective in their roles.
The values and norms from this model of abstraction regularly have dopamine driven performance rewards for employees as individuals, which is at the expense of the serotonin and oxytocin eliciting reward of working together; ones which help build trust and loyalty to one another.
This short-term thinking allows selfish to dominate selfless. If we don’t feel safe from each other at work (poor Circle of Safety) our instincts drive us to protect ourselves instead of sharing responsibility. Leaders having the confidence to intervene and move us away from the reliance on instant gratification is required. They must invest in programs which build confidence and not perpetuate a system whereby people are making the choice based on what is right for them only.
A leader placing a resource before a person is in opposition to what they are supposed to do for us.
Giving time and effort does far more to impact the impression others have of us than giving money, this is because time is finite and more money can be earned.
“For us to be led, there must be leaders that we want to follow”.
Simon Sinek
Challenges and Temptation
Part 6: Destructive Abundance (Leadership Lessons)
So Goes the Culture, So Goes the Company
When a culture is weak, doing “the thing that’s right for me” is executed in place of doing “the right thing”, employees feel that any protection that they have comes primarily from their own ability to manage the politics, promote themselves and watch their own backs. When there is a lack of empathy (hello high cortisol and low oxytocin) more destructive feelings and actions will begin to dominate.
Improving the culture of a workplace will improve trust and cooperation as this helps create a sense of belonging, leading to employees taking pride in their workplace.
“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him” .
Goethe
So Goes the Leader, So Goes the Culture.
Leaders must have the confidence and humility to be realistic about where their strengths are. Good leaders will distribute leadership and listen to those with more knowledge in a particular area. The more a leader is able to do this, the more effective a workplace will become. Top-down structures struggle with this and so when bad decisions are made, everyone suffers.
It is the relationships that school leaders form, and the quality of these that set the tone for how others within the school form theirs. Leaders are always leading by example.
“Responsibility is not doing as we are told, that’s obedience. Responsibility is doing what is right”.
Simon Sinek
Integrity Matters
If we suspect that a leader is saying things to make themselves look better, or they’re doing things just to protect their own self-interest, our trust in them falters and it sends out the message that it’s okay for other people to do that too.
Integrity is when our words and deeds are consistent with our intentions. The easiest way for a leader to display a lack of this is when they say what they suspect people want to hear. This would be true of compliments given that are disingenuous.
Leaders who believe in the value of culture, integrity and putting people first have the making of a strong foundation for a positive school culture where people are committed to each other and their workplace.
How you do anything is how you do everything. Don’t get caught in a lie; you’ll damage that relationship and have to work much harder to build others.
Making all the right decisions is not what will generate trust. Being honest will.
“Building trust requires nothing more than telling the truth”
Simon Sinek
Friends Matter
Leaders need to be visible and spend time with the people that they’re serving. As leaders in schools this means you should aim to be present in the hallways, in classrooms and at recess taking as many opportunities as possible to speak with members of your school. It’s important that you’re listening to staff in these spaces and you’re developing shared understandings.
Lead the People, Not the Numbers
Staff will look out for each other and not compete against each other when they are praised for finding solutions and better methods of doing things. The higher performance of a staff is mostly due to them feeling safe amongst their peers and believing that leaders have their well-being at heart.
Leaders need to think long-term. When focus is placed on morale, performance will follow. Distributing leadership and power may not have positive benefits short-term, but it is much better over time. The impact of leadership is much better judged over time.
“Good leadership is like exercise. We do not see any improvement to our bodies with day-to-day comparisons”.
Simon Sinek
The Abyss
Parts 7 – 8+: A Society of Addicts, Becoming a Leader and Appendix
The most interesting part of these chapters for me was information regarding working with millennials. As someone within the geriatric millennial/xennial micro-generation I was intrigued. Being in this category I found myself agreeing with roughly half of what is written. I wrote them down as a little self-assessment.
The recurring theme throughout this is that it is the building of relationships which should be our driving force. Relationships are important to our survival and to our sense of fullfilment. Ensuring that we understand the roots behind what makes millennials different and how this can be used as a benefit. The drive to win should not precede the desire to take care of the people we claim to serve.
“When we feel like we are outside a Circle of Safety, with no sense of belonging and no sense that others love and care for us, we feel out of control, abandoned and left for dead. And when we feel that isolated, we become desperate”.
Simon Sinek
Firstly, millennials grew up on their digital devices and whilst to many of us they may seem over reliant and distracted by these, this is the norm for them. Millennials will tell you that they can multitask and do this whilst completing their actual tasks. However, this is just task-shifting and can cause a reduction of up to 40% in terms of productivity, and it also increases the number of mistakes that are made. The distractions mean that they can be less effective. I recommend the book Indistractable by Nir Eyal, I found it full of really useful pieces of information and advice.
Acts of service, sacrifice and selflessness on behalf of others releases oxytocin which is thought to reduce the risk of a workplace culture becoming toxic. Millennials are more likely than others to engage in acts of service, inside and outside of the workplace, as a more socially conscious and accepting generation the values of a workplace need to be aligned with their sense of purpose (I wholeheartedly support this!) in order for them to truly invest.
The goal should be that we are building relationships where true and honest human bonds exists, with this in place we will have the strength as a collective to do the right thing, not just for ourselves but for helping all of those around us and within our “Circle of Safety”. This might take work, but the harder we work for something, the more we appreciate it.
Notes on leading millennials:
I’ll be super brief here, Sinek outlines these fully in the appendix.
- Create a culture where cells/mobiles are not used as a norm. For example, in meetings.
- Provide paper for note taking in meetings so people aren’t distracted by alerts on digital devices.
- Model properly what you want them to learn. Leadership, giving feedback and receiving it.
- Play to their strengths!
- Digital and social media savvy
- They’re more likely to be honest about the work culture – speak with them!
- They’re able to easily adapt to change
- Provide mentoring and support (a millennial is a master of fake-confidence, they want your advice), this includes the skills that their generation may not have mastered (human – not digital)
- Lead by example – I can’t tell you how many leaders I’ve adored because of their excellence
- Help make them comfortable with inevitable failures. Shift them into a growth mindset.
Millennials can help themselves by working on their sustained problem solving, learning to use criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow, being humble about achievements, and… being less attached to their phone.
Leaders cannot be perfect, we have to extend to them the grace to make mistakes and learn from them, just as we would anyone else.
“Leadership takes work. It takes time and energy. The effects are not always easily measured and they are not always immediate. Leadership is always a commitment to human beings”.
Simon Sinek
Millennials especially want to be part of something great, something that makes a difference.
“It is not the work we remember with fondness, but the camaraderie, how the group come together to get things done”.
Simon Sinek
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Great thread. I wish that my colleagues and I had had access to something like this before I retired. There are points in here that need to be discussed by every leadership team.